Without You
by pride97
Summary: The best gift in life are second chances. They work out better than the first because you have already learned from your mistakes.
1. Chapter 1

**Without You-Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer:** don't own anything

**Author's Notes:** I got this idea on a whim on Christmas Eve and had to put it on "paper". As I have 2 other stories that aren't done (Against All Odds and Battlefield, don't worry I haven't abandoned them, just suffering from a bit of writers block), I knew I wouldn't post anything unless it was completed. I will be posting a chapter every other day or so.

I didn't start writing this story until about three weeks ago, which seems to have worked perfectly as the song goes perfectly with this story.

This is a very different story that other stories posted in The Last Ship forum. This is truly AU (alternative universe). So fair warning. I do hope you all enjoy it though, I'm proud of what I've written.

Sticking with my timeline and not even attempting to go with the one the show tries to determine. I'll put the timeline at the bottom for reference.

* * *

_I feel everything and nothing_  
_At the same time_  
_I'm weightless_  
_All that I love in a moment is gone_  
_I'm breaking_

_Oh, heaven knows I need this_  
_Oh, wake me up I'm dreaming_  
_Losing it all in the blink of an eye_  
_I'm not ready to say goodbye_  
_I'm not ready to say goodbye_

-Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

* * *

**February 24, 2015**

As a person who never believed in God, Rachel was surprised to find herself in heaven after her untimely death by the hands of a crazed immune.

Nor did she expect Darien Chandler to be waiting for her.

"Hi Rachel, I'm Darien" the blonde women said with a bright smile on her face.

Rachel eyed Tom's dead wife warily. She ran her hands through her hair and looked around. They were outside, in a field. The sun was shining brightly. Rachel could see horses running in the distance. The scene reminded her of being back in England.

She looked back a Darien, who still had a smile on her face.

Why in the world would Tom's dead wife be talking to her. Rachel immediately began to feel immense guilt for all the feelings that she had for Tom.

Darien took a step towards Rachel. "I know how confusing this is Rachel. Of all the people to greet you…"

"Why you?" Rachel blurted out. "If you knew...you wouldn't be the one to greet me...I don't even believe in God...why am I in heaven?"

Darien chuckled, "first, while you may not believe in God or heaven, did you really think you would go to hell?"

Rachel closed her eyes, shook her head and began walking away from Darien, "This is too much right now. I can't handle this. I just...this is not…"

"Fair?" Darien said from behind her.

Rachel immediately halted and turned.

"It isn't fair Rachel. None of it is. It isn't fair that billions have died from a virus. It isn't fair that I don't get to see my children grow up or that I don't get to be with the man I love, my husband." Darien paused "It isn't fair that you died because a person didn't want the cure to be spread."

Darien took Rachel's hands "It isn't fair...Scream about it. Cry about it. Don't hold it in."

Darien's words caused a damn to burst. Rachel began screaming, tears running down her face. Darien immediately embraced Rachel.

"Why me? What did I do? What did I do? All I wanted to do was save people." Rachel cried. "I shouldn't have walked away from Tom. I should have stayed and told him what I needed to say. I knew something was wrong the moment I saw the man...I should have run...I should have screamed...Tom's room was only at the other end of the hall...if only I had done that."

Darien rubbed her hands down Rachel's back and began whispering words of comfort. She could only imagine how hard this was for Rachel. For herself, she definitely was angry about dying but she was sick, her kids and father-in-law were sick, she knew their chances of surviving weren't good. While she didn't want to die and was angry at the world, hell even Tom for not being there, she could feel herself dying and well...she eventually accepted it. Accepted her fate. She prayed in her death that her children and Jed would survive.

She was greeted by her mother in heaven, who held her, much like she was holding Rachel. Her mother told her to scream and cry on the unfairness of the situation, just as she had told Rachel to do.

It was her mother who informed her that Rachel had died and would be passing to heaven. Darien didn't understand how her mother knew this information, but insisted that she be the one to greet Rachel. She felt she would understand how Rachel was feeling better than anyone else.

So she waited. Her mother had informed her that when the knowledge came of a person crossing over the time it took could be minutes or it could be hours. Darien didn't care how long she waited, she had to be the one to greet Rachel.

Darien's thoughts were brought back to the present as she felt Rachel's sobs subsided. Rachel pulled away from Darien, tears still coming down her face.

Darien reached down and took Rachel's hands into her own.

"Rachel, don't live in the would'ves, should'ves and could'ves. You did nothing wrong. This wasn't your fault."

Rachel pulled her hands from Darien's and wrapped her arms around her body. "I appreciate the advice, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm dead and I never said what I needed to say...it doesn't change the fact that…" Rachel trailed off. "Never mind. What happens next?"

"Rachel, it's okay. You can talk about Tom."

"I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I can't...not right now. I can't talk about Tom...it's just too soon."

Darien nodded. "When you are ready, I'm here….Why don't we go get you settled?

* * *

_How could this happen to me_  
_I made my mistakes_  
_I've got no where to run_  
_The night goes on_  
_As I'm fading away_  
_I'm sick of this life_  
_I just wanna scream_  
_How could this happen to me_

* * *

**September 14, 2015**

Rachel stood staring at the sunrise. She knew it wasn't the real sunrise, but she would take it. Heaven was much like a beautiful city, each person had a tiny home that they "lived" in. While they didn't require sleep, most people operated as they did when they were alive.

She had been dead for almost seven months. It got a little easier each day. As weird as it sounded, Darien had been a life-saver. Rachel spent the first week alternating between screaming outbursts and fits of rage to convulsions wracking her body. Darien had been there the whole time, comforting her, holding her. Rachel could see the amazing woman she had been and why Tom had fallen in love with her.

While she still wasn't ready to open up to Darien regarding Tom, she was slowly opening up about her past. Her father, her mother's death, childhood, college. Tom was off limits though. Darien would try to ask about him, but Rachel immediately shut down and changed the subject.

"Rachel"

Rachel turned to see Darien approach her with an apprehensive look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

Darien shook her head, "I'm not sure. I just received word that two new people would be joining us."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, people had been dying and continued to join them daily so she wasn't sure why this had Darien so worried.

"I was told it's two people that you know."

Rachel closed her eyes, everyone she knew and cared about prior to dying were already dead, this could only mean whomever had died were people she knew on the Nathan James.

"They're from the James." Rachel whispered.

"That's my guess as well."

"You don't think…"

Darien shook her head, "No. They would have told me if it was Tom."

Rachel took a deep breath to steady her nerves, "Do we know when?"

"No, unfortunately not. It really depends on the individual and how long it takes them to cross over. Whomever agrees to greet them just goes to the field and waits, for however long it takes."

"Will you wait with me?" Rachel asked.

Darien gave her a sad smile and nodded. The two women walked side by side to the field in silence. Once there they stood for a while before deciding to sit down. They sat in comfortable silence.

They didn't have to wait long. They had been waiting for less than an hour when a flash of light appeared and two individuals began walking towards them. The two women stood and started walking towards the figures.

"Oh my god!"

"Oh no!"

"Rachel"

"Darien"

In front of them were Tex Nolan and Jed Chandler. Darien ran to Jed and flung her arms around him. Rachel stopped walking, shocked to see the two men. Tex quickly approached her.

"Hey doc."

This broke Rachel from her stupor and she embraced Tex. "What happened?" Rachel asked.

Tex pulled away, "I don't even know where to start."

"The beginning is generally a good place."

Tex nodded, "After you died, I took off. Went back to Texas with Kathleen…" Tex began. He explained to Rachel what happened with Jeffrey, Allison Shaw, Kara and Tom. As he was talking, Rachel kept glancing over to Darien who had yet to release Jed. Both had tears streaming down their faces.

Tex caught one of her glances, stopped talking and looked over with her.

"Who's the woman?"

"That's Darien Chandler."

Tex laughed, "you're in heaven and friends with Tom's dead wife. How does that work?"

Rachel gave him a confused look, "What do you mean?"

"Darling, I'm talking about the fact that you're in love with her husband."

"I'm not.." Rachel tried to say when Tex interrupted her, "Rachel, it was obvious to everyone but the commodore that you were in love with him. Hell, I don't know how the man didn't know."

"We don't discuss Tom and I ask that you please respect my wishes and please do not discuss my feelings about Tom to Darien. I value her friendship and I would prefer not to lose it."

Tex put his arm around her shoulders, "you win...how about you show me around this place."

* * *

_Nothing but an empty page_  
_Breathing in an open space_  
_Captured by your moment's grace again_  
_There's so much I left behind_  
_Even more that waits in time_  
_Everything's so undefined_  
_I'm standing on the edge of my fear_  
_And I see it clear_

_Here's my resolution_  
_I'm letting go_

* * *

**August 16, 2020**

The next five years were pleasant for Darien, Rachel, Tex and Jed. They quickly became a family of sorts. It took a few years, but eventually Rachel opened up to Darien about her feelings for Tom.

When the war started, everyone in heaven became distressed. Not since the virus were people arriving in mass numbers.

The arrivals of Andrea, Doc. Rios and Alicia nearly broke Rachel. She hated seeing people who she had developed a friendship with and grown to love like family during her time on the James, in heaven.

The death and arrival of Burk, did break Rachel. Seeing him approach the group, Rachel immediately collapsed into tears. Tex, did his best to hold it together for Rachel, but himself was at a loss. Burk, for his part, grabbed the two and pulled them to him. He became a source of comfort, even though he was the one who had just died.

With each arrival they were filled in on the war. How many people had died. How the crew of the Nathan James was faring. How Tom was doing. Each time they were told Tom was still alive, the foursome breathed a sigh of relief. He was the one person they didn't want to see up here, as much as they all missed him.

* * *

Rachel awoke with a start. While the room was dark, it seemed eerily familiar, too familiar. Rachel sat up, looking around, trying to get her bearings. She got out of bed and turned on the lights only to receive a jolt.

She was no longer in her "house" in heaven.

She was on the Nathan James.

She was wearing the black lace dress she died in!

"What the bloody hell is going on?"

She quickly made her way to the door and began walking down the familiar p-ways.

"I have to be dreaming." Rachel mumbled to herself. She turned a corner and saw a familiar body roughly twenty feet in front of her.

"Rachel?"

Rachel places her hand to her mouth in an attempt to contain her emotions. Tom began walking away from her.

"Tom" she calls after him.

Tom doesn't respond and continues walking. Rachel immediately began following him. "Tom" Rachel calls out. "Please...Tom...stop."

She attempts to keep up with Tom, but a black formal dress and heels doesn't make traversing the p-ways very easy. She ends up following Tom into a room is surprised to find Tex, not Tom waiting for her.

"Tex?"

"Hello darlin'" Tex responds and gestures towards the chair in front of her.

Rachel takes a seat in front of him and patiently waits for him to begin talking.

"What's going on? Where's Tom?"

"You just missed him." Tex responds. Rachel began to get up when Tex gestures for her to remain sitting.

"Tom is in limbo Rachel."

"Limbo? What do you mean?"

"This" Tex says gesturing to the ship around them "Davy Jones Locker, so to speak. Tom has a decision to make."

"Is Tom dead?" Rachel whispers

Tex reaches over takes her hands, "not yet. He has to make a decision."

Rachel jumps up from her chair, breaking contact with Tex. "Then I need to find him. I need to see him. I need to tell him that I love him but he needs to go back." Rachel tells Tex, the tears free flowing down her face. "He needs to live. For Ashley. For Sam. For Sasha. She loves him, like Darien and I do...it isn't his time. I love him but he needs to live."

"Rachel...wait" Tex says, grabbing one of her hands. "Things are happening Rachel. I can't explain it."

Tex pulls her to him in an embrace.

"You need to trust me Rachel. You need to follow your heart, don't live in regret and don't look back."

Rachel pulls away slightly, "What do you mean?"

Tex smiles as a bright flash of light encases the room causing Rachel to lose consciousness.

* * *

**Lyrics**

Untitled by Simple Plan

Resolution by Nick Lachey

**Timeline**

**6/2014-** Nathan James leaves Norfolk for Arctic

**10/2014-** Learn about virus, which Rachel states struck Cairo 7 months prior. They head to Cuba, get Tex. The ship gets damaged in episode 4, which takes 7 days to get to the island and another 7-10 days to be fixed.

**11/5/2014-** Episode 5. Tom does an audio recording to the kids, he states the date (the only "set in stone" date we get the entire season).

**12/5/2014-** Episode 7. Shows a timeline of "6 months prior". Sorensen was talking to another doctor. The virus was already known (probably stage 1 at this point). He admits that he did something to the virus that inadvertently weaponized it.

**12/5/2014-1/2015-** remainder of season 1, which includes rescuing Tom and Tex, the trials, and Baltimore. Kara learns she is pregnant (probably 8 weeks tops).

**1/2015-2/21/2015-** Season 2. We learn in episode 10 that Kara is approximately 16 weeks pregnant, so we know between season 1 episode 10 and season 2 episode 10 about 6-8 weeks have passed. We also know dates (18, 21, etc…) that the James stopped for the cure, but no month was given.

**2/24/2015-** Rachel shot

**7/28/2015-** Michener gives speech about Rachel

**8/2015-9/2015-** Season 3, Tom resigns

**2/2017-** 16 months later we see Tom in Greece

**2/2017-3/2017-** season 4

**2/2020-** season 5. We know that the attack was in the spring, they jump ahead a couple of months (to summer if I remember correctly). I'm taking some liberties on the exact "dates".


	2. Chapter 2

**Without You-Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:** I still own nothing. Any lines that I'm using from season 2, I'm just borrowing. These lines will be italicized. They are strictly for memory purposes.

**Author's Notes:** I'm taking some creative license on the timeline. Please refer to the timeline at the end of chapter one. I'm pretty sure on the show Tom gave up his quarters for Jeffrey, but all the ships I've toured (that are now museums) have admiral quarters, so I can't see why the James wouldn't have that. For the purpose of this fiction, Jeffrey is staying in such quarters and Tom is still in the Captain's.

I'm one of those writers who has a playlist going, I've titled it "creative". Every song, in some way gets my creative juices flowing. I wanted to share the songs I listened too while writing this chapter. I've seen other writers do this and I have been introduced to some amazing songs, by artists I'd never heard of, thanks to their lists. Enjoy!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter one!

* * *

_I'm just a shell of myself_

_And I've never felt so empty_

_Everything's spinning out of control_

_And I can't breathe_

_Oh, heaven knows I need this_

_Oh, wake me up I'm dreaming_

_Losing it all in the blink of eye_

_I'm not ready to say goodbye_

_I'm not ready to say goodbye_

-Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

* * *

Rachel's jolted awake. She looks around and realizes she is once again on the Nathan James, this time though instead of wearing her black lace dress she is in her typical jeans and t-shirt combo.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" she mumbles to herself.

She looks over to her laptop. She sees that it is in power-saver mode and quickly moves the mouse. All her notes, research about the virus pop up. She immediately recognizes the work. She looks down at the far right corner of the screen.

**7:53 AM**

**2/10/2015**

Tex's last words to her begin to make sense. Rachel jumps from her chair and bolts out of the helo bay. She begins running down the familiar p-ways to where she knows she'll find Tom.

She makes it to the Wardroom in record time. She quickly enters to see that Tom is sitting at the table having a conversation with Mike and President Michener.

"Tom" Rachel says her voice a mixture of emotions. Shock, happiness, confusion all come out in that one word and are written all over her face.

The three men look over, somewhat surprised at the informal way Rachel just addressed Tom in front of Mike and Jeffrey. They each take in her state and realize that something is amiss.

"Rachel? Is everything okay?" Tom asks.

"No, it's not. I really need to speak to you. In private."

"We were just finishing up." Mike replies as he and Jeffrey stand.

Rachel looks around the room and closes her eyes briefly as memories bombard her.

"_**God damn it Rachel!"**_

"_**I was hoping to avoid getting blood on your hands."**_

"_**I already have blood on my hands, you put it there."**_

"_**Is this really what you want?"**_

"_**This has never been about what I want."**_

"No… Tom, not here. I just I can't. Not after last time...the anger...the things you said to me." Rachel says.

Tom exchanges a confused look with Mike, who shrugs his shoulders. Tom stands and walks over to Rachel.

"That's fine. We'll talk in my quarters."

Tom opens the door and Rachel follows him out of the Wardroom. They walk quietly to Tom's quarters. Tom opens the door and allows her to enter.

He had barely closed the door when Rachel started speaking.

"I don't know what the bloody hell is going on Tom, I don't. All I know is that I'm here and Tex said to follow my heart not my head this time. I didn't understand what he meant until now."

"Rachel, what are you talking about?"

"I did it Tom." Rachel said as she began pacing the room, "I killed Niels. I had to keep flirting with him just for him to tell me how he stabilized the virus. All I kept thinking is this man killed millions...and he arrogantly thought his DNA would somehow save the world." Rachel paused for a second, allowing the tears to start falling down her cheeks.

"I figured out a way...to splice the virus from his DNA. By doing this I was able to make the cure airborne. I don't regret doing it..I didn't regret doing it last time, but I lied last time. I lied to you...I lied to everyone. I insisted it was a reaction to the gunshot wound.

"I know this is what Tex was talking about. He said things were happening... he also told me not to live in regret...I should have just told you. I shouldn't have lied. I thought I could protect you, protect you from what I had done. But instead I…I ruined everything….every ounce of trust I earned from you I lost in a second." Rachel said emphasizing the last word with a snap of her fingers.

"Everything is so complicated. You're here and now I'm here...and….all I can think about are those last few days. You limiting my contact with the crew and giving me a security detail. Finding Valkyrie, defeating the sub, your shrapnel wound.

"When you came back from the oil rig...watching you collapse...I was terrified. Then I had to operate to get the shrapnel out of you, I was thinking "Tom is going to die on my table still angry at me". Thank god you didn't, but then you sent me off the ship to deal with the sub and Tex swore to me we would talk and we didn't. The night of Jeffrey's inauguration, I walked away and I shouldn't have. I should have told you how I felt about you, how I feel about you." Rachel paused for a split second before continuing. "but then everything went to hell...and now here I am…in my past and now I know why. I was given a second chance...to fix this." Rachel finished as she gestured to her and Tom.

Tom stood staring at her. Confusion and anger coursing through his veins. Anger that Rachel had done something so completely unethical, killing Niels, but confused as hell with her discussing things that had never happened. She had never operated on him to remove shrapnel nor had they figured out who was in charge of the Valkyrie network, let alone where they were. Hell, they were still playing cat and mouse with the sub, so he had yet to send her, or anyone else for that matter, off the ship for their protection.

Tom watched as Rachel continued to cry. He had never seen her this...upset...before. He knew he needed to speak to her, about everything she had just confessed, but he also knew they wouldn't be able too while she was this upset.

Putting his anger aside, he stepped forward and pulled her tiny frame to his. This kindness only caused her to cry harder. Tom guided them over to his couch and sat them down. He began rubbing her back, hoping the gesture would calm her.

He wasn't sure how long they remained that way. Rachel's crying eventually ceased. He looked down and realized that she had cried herself to sleep. He stood, carrying her to his bed. He laid her gently down on the bed and removed her shoes. He pulled a blanket over her body and closed the door behind him.

In the sitting room he called up to the bridge and asked Mike to send O'Connor to his quarters. O'Connor arrived moments later.

"Sir"

"Doctor Scott is asleep." Tom said pointing to his room. "When she wakes, call up to the bridge."

O'Connor nodded, a bit confused as to why Doctor Scott was asleep in the captain's quarters, but he knew better than to ask. He also knew better than to spread rumors.

"Yes sir"

* * *

Tom left and headed straight up to the bridge. When he got up there he gestured for Mike to follow him. Mike nodded and left Granderson in charge. Mike followed Tom to the Admiral's quarters, where President Michener was "running the country".

Tom knocked and waited for Jeffrey to allow them entry.

"Tom...Mike." Jeffrey said and gestured for them to take a seat. "Is everything okay with Doctor Scott?"

Tom rubbed his hands over his face.

"Tom, what happened?" Mike asked.

"She did it." Tom answered "Rachel killed Niels. That by killing him she was able to make the cure airborne."

Mike and Jeffrey leaned back in their seats, absorbing what Tom had just told them. Mike looked over to his friend and he could see that Tom had something else on his mind.

"What's going on Tom?" Mike asked.

Tom shook his head, "After Rachel confessed, she began talking about events...events that haven't happened."

"Like what?"

"She stated that this is her past and that Tex told her to follow her heart...to not live with regret. She started talking about how I limited her contact with the crew and assigned her a security detail, how we found Valkyrie and that I sent her off the ship and that she operated on a shrapnel wound that I received from going on a mission to an oil rig."

"What shrapnel wound? What oil rig?" Mike interrupted, confused.

"Exactly! She wasn't making making any sense, other than admitting that she killed him." Tom answered.

The men sat in silence for a few moments before Mike spoke up. "Permission to speak freely?"

Tom and Jeffrey nodded at the same time.

"I know what she did was wrong, but she deserves a fucking medal for killing the man who killed millions, including my son. We will now be able to save more people now that the cure is airborne. I get it...legally she broke the law...but I can't reconcile that she may face prison when she saved the world."

Jeffrey glances over to Tom and see's confliction on his face.

"Tom" Jeffrey said "speak freely."

Tom sighed, "As a husband and a father...I agree with Mike. But as a commander in the Navy and the captain of the Nathan James, I'm not sure I can condone what she has done."

Jeffrey nodded, "Well I guess it's a good thing that it falls on me. Where is Doctor Scott now?"

"She was hysterical. She ended up falling asleep. I have O'Connor with her."

"When she wakes up, I would like to speak to her."

"Yes sir." Mike and Tom said simultaneously. The two men quickly exit the quarters.

"Tom, what else did Rachel say?"

Tom gestured with his head for them to move over to an alcove. Mike nodded and the two men moved out of the p-way to the alcove.

"She spoke about Jeffrey's inauguration. How that evening she and I spoke...how she regretted walking away and not telling me how she felt about me."

Mike wasn't sure how to respond to this revelation. He had a sneaking suspicion that Rachel's feelings for Tom had moved into a more than friends territory, that she was in love with Tom. Tom for his part seemed oblivious to Rachel's feelings.

"I guess the question is, now that you know that Rachel has feelings for you, how do you feel about her?" Mike asked. "You don't need to answer that Tom, but maybe you should think about it. I'm going to head back to the bridge."

Tom watched Mike walk away. He stood in the alcove for a few more minutes to compose himself. He took a deep breath, stepped out of the alcove, turned in the opposite direction and began walking down the p-way only to run into Tex.

"Commodore" Tex said smiling at Tom.

"Tex" Tom acknowledged.

"Rachel talk to you about Niels yet?" Tex asked, which caused Tom to stop and turn.

"Excuse me"

Tex smiled, "Come on, we need to talk."

* * *

**Soundtrack**

Already Gone by Disturbed

I Found by Amber Run

The Reason by Hoobastank

Find Me (feat. Birdy) by Sigma

Everything by Boyce Avenue

Hunger by Ross Copperman

Find Me by Boyce Avenue

Blink by Revive

I'd Come for You by Nickelback

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore by Mike Shinoda

Armor by Landon Austin

I Choose You by Barcelona

Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

Without You by Ashes Remain

Right Here by Ashes Remain

You Say by Lauren Daigle

Be Alright by Dean Lewis

In This Shirt (Original) by The Irrepressibles

I Get to Love You by Ruelle

Unsteady by X Ambassadors


	3. Chapter 3

**Without You-** Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own anything

**Authors Notes:** Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter two. I'm so glad that you are enjoying this story, especially given how "different" it is.

Chapter 3 soundtrack listed at the bottom.

* * *

_I just want a little more time_  
_Little more time_  
_Little more time_

_I just want a little more time_  
_Little more time_  
_Little more time_

-Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

* * *

Tex had barely closed the door to his shared quarters with Danny before Tom started questioning him.

"What the hell is going on Tex? Rachel was talking...I don't know...craziness…. and now you're asking me if she told me about Niels."

Tex put his hands up in defense and started laughing, "Commodore…I'll explain...what I know, why don't you take a seat." Tex said gesturing to Danny's bed. Tom sat down, with Tex sitting across from him.

"Do you believe in heaven?"

Tom shook his head confused, "What does that have to do with anything?" he answered. Tex gave him a look and Tom sighed, "My mom was religious, I never took to it. I have my beliefs. I guess you could say I believe there is a heaven. Why?"

"I didn't care either way. I just hoped when I died...when it was my time...that wherever I went, I was happy." Tex paused before continuing, not quite sure how to drop this bombshell on Tom.

"Tom, there is no real easy way to say this and you may not believe me."

"Given the things Rachel has just told me…" Tom interrupted.

"Rachel and I...we are from five years in the future." Tex said.

"Excuse me."

Tex chuckled, "I need to go back to explain….I'm not sure how much Rachel has told you, but I end up leaving the James and head back to Texas with my daughter Kathleen. Things happen and in about seven months you reach out to me, you need help. I of course agree to help you and I die. I end up in heaven. As I'm walking in this field I see two women approach me. One is your wife...the other is Rachel.

"Wait...What? You meet Darien in heaven? What do you mean Rachel dies? When? How?" Tom asks confusion, shock and a hint of pain evident in his voice.

"That's Rachel's story to tell, not mine. You need to speak to her about it." Tex replied "As I was saying, I died. In about five years there is a war, it's pretty bad. We greet many people from the James...it was a tough time. Near the end of the war, you get injured and you're in limbo. Rachel and I end up stuck in limbo with you. When you choose to live, somehow Rachel and I were given this second chance.

"While in limbo I spoke to you. Told you that you had a choice to make. Not seconds after you left me Rachel rushed in. She was determined to find you. I had to explain to her what was going on, that you had a choice to make. She was insistent on finding you. She wanted to tell you to live, admit how she feels about you, but encourage you to live, that it wasn't your time. Somehow, in that moment, I knew you would choose to live and that Rachel would be tied to your choice. I told her to follow her heart and not to live with regret.

"I never expected that I would be tied to your choice and that I would be given a second chance as well." Tex finished. He leaned back and allowed Tom to digest what he had just told him.

"You need to understand, Rachel and I were sent back to this time for a reason. It wasn't until I woke up this morning and realized the date did I truly understand why, but we were brought here, to this time, to change what happened."

"Rachel admitted that she killed him. She told me that she lied about it."

"And she did." Tex said "Don't get me wrong, the man deserved to die, but Rachel shouldn't have taken it into her own hands nor should she have lied to you, even though we got the contagious cure out of it. One of her biggest regrets was this" Tex said gesturing around "this moment in time, because it changed everything between you two."

"How do you know that? That this was one of her biggest regrets." Tom asked.

"She told me."

* * *

**_August 4, 2020_**

_Tex and Rachel sat at the table in his house. Andrea, Doc Rios, Darien and Jed had just left for the evening. _

_"I hope this war ends soon." Rachel told Tex "I don't want to see anymore people I care about to arrive."_

_"I would have to agree Doc."_

_The two sat in silence for a few moments before Rachel spoke up._

_"Yesterday was my day."_

_Tex looked over, Rachel rarely discussed her days at viewing the living. Everyone handled the day differently. Darien would immediately go to Jed. Tex headed straight to the nearest bar (Yes, there were bars in heaven, go figure!). Jed would call everyone over and tell them what he saw. Rachel...well she typically barricaded herself in her house for the next twenty-four hours. She never once discussed what she saw with the others. _

_"And?"_

_"I looked in on Tom."_

_"I assumed as much." Tex replied, "How is he doing?"_

_Rachel sighed, "he's not doing good. This war...it's taking a toll on him, on his relationship with Sasha and the kids. Sasha is doing the best she can given the situation she has been placed in. She is trying to be supportive, but he is closing her out. He spoke of his regrets."_

_"Everyone has them sweetheart."_

_"I know." She replied. "__One of my biggest regrets, other than not telling Tom I loved him, is Niels."_

_"Niels? Why would one of your biggest regrets be that asshole?" Tex asked._

_"I don't regret killing him." Rachel admitted, "we got the contagious cure out of it. I regret my actions afterwords. Lying to Tom. Trying to keep him out of it. Trying to protect him, to which I failed miserably. In that one second, the decision I made to lie to him, I ruined everything. It took me so long to build the trust up with him after lying to him for four months while in the Arctic. Lying to him about Niels. Every ounce of trust that I had worked so hard to get, I lost it all. I knew it would take a miracle for him to trust me again. I broke it. I feel like a horrible person."  
_

_Tex got up and went over to Rachel, he kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands. "Rachel, your mistakes do not make you a bad person. Dwelling on the past bad decisions you've made only allows those decisions to keep defining you." Tex paused for a moment before continuing, "After your death, I kept replaying it over and over again in my brain, what I could have done to save you. I hated Tom for a long time, hated myself for a long time. It wasn't until Kathleen gave me a sound piece of advice that I'm now going to give to you.__Release the need to replay the situation over and over again. Give yourself permission to release the guilt, release the what should have, could have or would have been. Forgive yourself."_

* * *

Tom rubbed his hands over his face. His head felt like it was going to explode with the amount of information coursing through it.

"I know this is a lot to deal with." Tex said to Tom. "But you need to deal with it and you need to talk to Rachel. You need to let her explain what she has been through...her feelings for you."

"I thought you had feelings for Rachel." Tom replied.

"Oh, I'll always care about her. Till I die...again." Tex smirked. "Sometimes all you need is a second chance because time wasn't ready for the first one. If you're lucky enough to get a second chance, don't waste it."

* * *

Rachel stirred in her sleep, loathing to get out of the warm bed she was in, but her bladder began pressing the issue. When she was done using the restroom, she stood looking around, it took her a moment to realize she was in Tom's quarters. Her brain immediately flashed back to their last conversation. She sighed and sank on the bed, placing her face in her hands.

She felt a sense of relief, telling Tom the truth about what she did, but would it change anything. Was she still doomed to repeat the past? Was she still doomed to die in a hallway with Tom never knowing she loved...loves him?

"Only one way to find out." Rachel muttered to herself and stood up. She went to the door and opened it, surprised to find O'Connor sitting in the room, not Tom.

"Doctor Scott."

"Where's the captain?" Rachel asked.

"He asked me to watch you and to call up to the bridge when you woke."

Rachel nodded, she made her way over to the couch and sat down, wringing her hands.

"Captain should be here soon."

"Thank you."

They sat in silence for a few moments before O'Connor spoke up, "I don't mean to pry Doctor Scott, but is everything okay?"

Rachel sighed, "No...it really isn't...I don't know what is going to happen. It's extremely complicated."

"I'm sure everything will work out."

"I hope so." Rachel responded.

They continued sitting in silence until Tom appeared roughly five minutes later. He thanked O'Connor, who promptly left the room.

Tom remained standing near his desk, while Rachel remained on the couch.

"How are you feeling?" Tom asked breaking the silence.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "as good as can be expected."

Rachel took in Tom, his body language was off. He seemed distressed, more so than immediately after she had confessed what she had done.

"Tom, I know this may seem like an odd question to ask given everything I've told you, but are you okay? You seem a bit...off….more so than earlier."

Tom stared at Rachel, not sure how to answer the question.

_"I guess the question is, now that you know that Rachel has feelings for you, how do you feel about her?"_

"_You need to let her explain what she has been through...her feelings for you."_

Tex and Mike's words replayed through is brain. He had been so caught up with creating and spreading the cure, dealing with the immunes, the sub, the Valkyrie network and Niels that he had been ignoring Rachel's feelings. Hell, he insisted she work with Niels when it was obvious she didn't want too. Looking at her now, he became very aware, with her body language and facial expressions, that her feelings for him had grown from friends to...something more.

He closed his eyes briefly. How had he not noticed this before?

"Because you weren't paying attention" a voice inside his head said.

"Tom?"

He opened his eyes and gave her a smile, "I've just got a lot going through my mind right now...that I need to sort out."

"I'm sorry...I know I'm the cause of quite a bit of what you are dealing with right now."

"I'll figure it out Rachel." Tom replied. "Jeffrey asked me to bring you to him to talk as soon as you woke up."

Rachel patted her legs, "Well, there is no time like the present." She stood and walked over to the door that Tom was holding open for her. They made their way through the p-ways to the Admiral quarters.

Rachel gave the illusion of calm and composed, but on the inside her brain was running a mile a minute. They reached their destination much quicker than she had hoped they would. Tom knocked on the door and Rachel heard Jeffrey's muffled "enter". Again, Tom held the door for her.

Jeffrey stood as they entered the room.

"Doctor Scott, Captain Chandler." Jeffrey addressed them.

"Captain Chandler said you wanted to speak to me." Rachel said.

Jeffrey nodded, "Yes. Captain Chandler, I'll call up to the bridge when I'm done speaking to Doctor Scott so she can be escorted back to her quarters."

"Yes sir" Tom said, turned and exited the room. Jeffrey gestured to the couch, he knew this would be a tough conversation, he wanted to make her as comfortable as possible.

Rachel sat down, with Jeffrey pulling up a chair and sitting across from her.

"I presume Tom filled you in on what I disclosed to him earlier today." Rachel stated.

"Yes he did, but I would like to hear it from you."

* * *

**Chapter 3 Soundtrack**

Hymn for the Missing by Red

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore by Mike Shinoda

Start a Riot by Banners

Distance by Christina Perri

I Choose You by Barcelona

Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles

Hold On by Chord Overstreet

Always Hate Me by James Blunt

You are Loved (Don't Give Up) by Josh Groban

The Reason by Hoobastank

Falling Slowly (Once, music from the motion picture soundtrack)

Find Me (feat. Birdy) by Sigma

Here Without You by 3 Doors Down

Find Me by Boyce Avenue

Mirrors by Madilyn Bailey

Broken by Madilyn Bailey & Jake Coco

I Need Your Love by Madilyn Bailey & Jake Coco

Everything I Need by Skylar Grey

Beautifully Broken by Plumb

Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson

Losing Your Memory by Ryan Star

Requiem on Water by Imperial Mammoth


	4. Chapter 4

**Without You Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer:** Yup I don't own anything Last Ship wise. Sorry folks.

**Author's Notes: **I apologize for the delay, this week has been somewhat trying on a personal level. Thank you for your patience and support! Extremely long chapter and emotional chapter. I literally was in tears the entire chapter. I hope you enjoy! Thank you to my lovely readers. Like my previous chapters, I'm including my "soundtrack" for this chapter at the end.

_Oh, heaven knows I need this_

_Oh, wake me up I'm dreaming_

_Losing it all in the blink of eye_

_I'm not ready to say goodbye_

_Oh, heaven knows I need this_

_Oh, wake me up I'm dreaming_

_Losing it all in the blink of eye_

_I'm not ready to say goodbye_

_I'm not ready to say goodbye_

-Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

* * *

**February 15, 2015**

Rachel sat in her lab, staring off into space, thinking.

In the 5 days since she had been "returned" to the living, albeit in the past, not much had changed. Unlike last time when she tested the cure on herself without Tom's knowledge, she had President Michener's blessing to try the cure on herself and the mouse first. He then agreed to be her first "human trial".

She told the truth about Niels, but Tom had still given her a security detail (O'Connor and Miller) and limited her contact with the crew.

Tom had still gone in search of Valkyrie...he still got injured. He still argued with her regarding the shrapnel wound, he still sent her to land.

She felt like nothing was changing.

Rachel inwardly chuckled, "well not everything" she whispered.

Tex.

After her conversation with Jeffrey, Tom escorted her back to her quarters and told her about the security detail and her limited contact with the crew. Not five minutes after he had left, Tex came a knocking.

His face told her everything she needed to know...he was from the future with her. He told her not to worry and that he had her back.

She leaned back into her chair, he thoughts drifting back to when she was sent to land...

* * *

_Tex approached her while she was staring out the window (much like last time)._

"_Rachel"_

_Rachel looked over and smiled at Tex. "Is this when you tell me the hardest thing about goodbyes are all the things I didn't say, all the unresolved stuff and that Tom and I will get a chance to say what we need to say."_

_Tex burst out laughing, causing the other members of the team to look over to him quizzically. _

"_I thought about it, but I have a bit more profound advice to give you this time love."_

_Rachel eyed him, "more profound?"_

"_I know you are disappointed...disappointed that everything seems to be turning out the same way as last time." Tex paused and took her hand "But we know the overall outcome and we won't let it happen, right?" _

_Rachel nodded. _

"_I know you still have regrets, but life is too short, as we both know only too well, to continue waking up with regrets. You need to believe that everything happens for a reason."_

"_I want to Tex." Rachel mumbled, glancing back out the window, "You say there is a reason for everything happening, for us being given this second chance. Darien told me that time will heal all wounds, heartache, love, but time hasn't changed the way I feel about Tom and the regret I continue to feel for what I've done. I want to tell him….something….anything... so there won't be any doubt. But I can't….not now….I'm in the same situation I was in last time, where I didn't say anything because I didn't feel I should, now I don't feel I can."_

_Tex squeezed her hand, "Give Tom a chance. People aren't always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first...If there is one thing I'm willing to bet on, it's you and Tom."_

* * *

"Doctor Scott"

Rachel shook herself from her thoughts, "I'm sorry Miller" she said to the young man.

"It's okay ma'am." Miller responded, "I just received word that President Michener would like to speak to you."

Rachel nodded, stood and followed Miller out of the room. It didn't take long before Miller was opening the door to the Wardroom and allowing Rachel to enter. Jeffrey was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee and looking over some documents.

"Ah..Doctor Scott...Rachel...please sit." Jeffrey said gesturing towards one of the many chairs.

Rachel silently sat down, she had a feeling what the conversation about to ensue would entail.

"I've done a lot of thinking over the last couple of days. While I haven't made my decision yet in regards to your...situation...I wanted to let you know that I would have my decision made by the time we reach Saint Louis."

Rachel visibly tensed at Jeffrey mentioning Saint Louis. She closed her eyes as all the memories flashed across her eyes.

Greeting people at the port. Smiling at Tom. Debarking the Nathan James. Checking into the hotel. Speaking to the judge's daughter. Borrowing the beautiful black lace dress. Mingling at the Inauguration reception. Learning of her pardon and subsequent departure to Nebraska. Writing Tom the note. Seeing Tom, looking oh so handsome in his formal uniform outside his hotel room. Their flirting. Smiling as she walked back to her room. Uneasiness when she saw the man outside her door. Fear when he wouldn't leave.

Pain.

Never. Ending. Pain.

Rachel opened her eyes, taking a deep breath, she refused to cry in front of the president.

"We will be stopping to spread the cure in Vicksburg on the eighteenth, then Mem…"

"Memphis on the nineteenth, with our final destination of Saint Louis on the twenty-first." Rachel interrupted.

"That's correct..." Jeffrey replied a bit unsure of how to respond, as he had yet to share with anyone the timeline.

"Only one hundred and twenty five people will show up in Vicksburg." Rachel replies matter of factly. "Memphis is going to be an utter failure."

"How?" Jeffrey said.

"McDowell makes it to Memphis before we do. He and his immune followers are able to secure navy uniforms. They pretend they are from the Nathan James. They take infected people to the site, Tex finds out. They do it to discredit Tom and I. You need to find McDowell before we get to Memphis. You need to stop him." Rachel trailed off closing her eyes. She took a deep breath before continuing, "Saint Louis will be the best place for us to transmit the contagious cure. I just wish…" Rachel finished with a mumble.

"Wish what?"

"It doesn't matter. Nothing is changing. I'm destined to go to Saint Louis, whether I want to or not." She muttered back, "Is there anything else you need from me President Michener? If not, I'd like to head back to my quarters."

Jeffrey nodded. Rachel turned and walked to the door, just as she was opening it, she turned, "Please take my advice about Memphis. Find a way to stop McDowell and his group of followers." With that she turned and walked out of the room. Miller following closely behind her.

* * *

"And we will end up at Saint Louis on the twenty-first. We need to have a plan in place for security and how to most effectively spread the cure at each port of call." Jeffrey said to Tom and Mike.

The men nodded waiting for Jeffrey to continue, as the look on his face gave away there was more to be said.

Jeffrey rubbed his hands over his face. "I spoke to Rachel earlier today. She implied that Memphis would be a failure."

"A failure sir?" Mike questioned, looking at the two men, "Why would she think that?"

"She told me that McDowell would be there with a group of immunes, dressed in navy uniforms. They would bring infected to the port. They do it in an attempt to discredit her and well you Tom." Jeffrey said. "She was extremely insistent on it

"Then we should believe her." Tom said. He stood and walked over to the nearest porthole and looked out for a moment before turning back to the two men.

"Do you remember five days ago when Rachel confessed to killing Niels and how she told me things, things that hadn't happened?" Mike and Jeffrey nodded and allowed Tom to continue,

"I know this is hard to believe, but Rachel and Tex are from the future." Tom finished.

Jeffrey and Mike exchanged confused and concerned looks with one another before looking back a Tom with looks of pure disbelief on their faces.

"I get it…I thought the same thing…but when Tex…"

"What does Tex have to do with Rachel claiming she's from the future?" Mike interrupted.

Tom sighed and sat back down, "Rachel never told me she was from the future. Tex told me. He told me that in seven months he dies and he meets Rachel…in heaven." Tom held up his hand at that comment as he could tell Jeffrey and Mike were going to interrupt. "He went on to say that in five years there is a terrible war…a war in which I'm seriously injured and in limbo. I choose to live and somehow with my choice, Rachel and Tex were given a second chance. They were sent back to now."

"And you believe him?" Jeffrey asked.

"At first I didn't, but given everything that Rachel said, that I would have a shrapnel injury, that I would send her away for her protection and give her a security detail and limit her interaction with the crew, that we would take down the sub and find Valkyrie…I have to believe him and her."

The men sat in silence for a few moments, taking everything in.

"Then, I believe her as well." Jeffrey said breaking the silence. "Mike, reach out to Val. See if she can find a way to find out how the immunes are still using the network and if she can disable it?"

Mike nodded.

"On a more serious note though." Jeffrey said, "Tom, did Tex state when or how Rachel died?"

Tom shook his head "He wouldn't tell me. He said it was her story to tell."

"I believe it may happen in Saint Louis." Jeffrey said, he couldn't help noticing Tom visibly tense with his words.

"When I spoke to her earlier, at the mention of Saint Louis, she seemed to be caught in…a zone…of some kind…almost as if she were reliving events, which she may very well have been. I know this may be tough for her to talk about, but Tom, speak to her, we need to find out the details so we can protect her."

Tom nodded, "I will sir."

Jeffrey nodded at the two men as they stood and left the room.

* * *

In the p-way outside the Wardroom, Mike took in his friend. He could tell Tom was running through a gamut of emotions right now.

"Tom" Mike said. Tom turned and faced him. "We will find out who killed Rachel and we will stop it."

"I haven't spoken to her…about what happened…I've avoided the conversation entirely."

"It's somewhat understandable given we were dealing with Valkyrie and the sub."

"I'm still so angry with her." Tom admitted.

Mike sighed

"Out with it Mike." Tom said.

"Tom, when you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it's the mind that gets angry but the heart still cares." Mike paused for a moment before continuing, "Tom, you need to accept that you have feelings for Rachel and in more than a I need to keep her safe because she saved the world or she's a member of this crew kind of way."

Tom sighed and glanced towards the door behind them. He turned began walking to which Mike followed him outside. They stood against the raining overlooking the ocean in peaceful silence.

"You said you believed Rachel, when she said she was from the future, correct?" Mike finally asked a few moments later.

"Yes."

"So you believe that she and Tex have been given a second chance?" Mike asked to which Tom nodded.

"Tom, I've known you for years. I know you're scared...and that's okay. But you have been given a second chance, both of you. There are rare chances that you will meet the person you love and who loves you in return. So once you have it, don't let it go. This chance, this second chance you and Rachel have, is never going to come your way again."

With a turn he walked away leaving Tom to ponder his words.

* * *

Tom took his time getting to Rachel's quarters. He needed to calm his nerves and think about everything. As he approached he saw Miller straighten up and salute him.

"Sir" Miller said.

"You can report to your normal duty station Miller." Tom told him. Miller nodded and left. Tom gave a soft knock on Rachel's door. He could hear movement from the inside and the door opened moments later.

"Tom" Rachel said surprised to see him.

"Can I come in?"

Rachel opened the door the rest of the way and gestured for him to enter.

"What can I do for you?" Rachel asked turning to face Tom.

"I believe you Rachel."

Rachel inhaled slowly and then exhaled. "What do you believe?" she asked quietly.

"That you are from the future."

"Okay.."

"Tex, well he confirmed it for me five days ago."

Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them she went over and sat down on her bed, rubbing her eyes with her hands.

Tom sat down on her desk chair and waited for her to speak.

"What did he tell you?" Rachel finally asked.

"He told me that he dies, in about seven months...and that when he does he is greeted by Darien and you...in heaven." Tom paused for a moment, "He went on to explain that in five years there is a horrible war, a war in which I'm severely injured and almost die. I end up in limbo and when I decided to live, you and he were somehow given a second chance."

"I know it's really hard to believe...it seems like some science fiction movie…"

"But I believe him...and you." Tom interrupted. "Everything you told me five days ago has come true."

"Exactly!" Rachel shouted standing up "Everything has come true, so what does it matter that Tex and I were given a second chance! Nothing is changing. Nothing!" Tears began to form in Rachel's eyes. "I'm destined…" she said trailing off.

Tom stood and went over to her, he turned her to face him. "Destined for what Rachel? Destined to die? Because I'm telling you right now, I'm not letting that happen."

"And how are you going to stop it Tom? Do you even know how I die? Or when I die?" Rachel spat back.

"No." Tom replied calmly. "Tex refused to tell me anything. He said it was your story to tell. But Jeffrey…"

"What does Jeffrey have to do with this?" Rachel interrupted.

Tom sighed, "he got the impression when you spoke to him earlier that you died in Saint Louis, based purely on your reaction."

Rachel's anger seemed to deflate from her body. Her shoulders sank. Tom took a step closer to her.

"Rachel" Tom said quietly, "What happens in Saint Louis?"

Rachel looked up at Tom, concern and….something else...something she can't quite put her finger on.

"We made port in Saint Louis on the twenty first. We got off the ship. You were still...well you weren't still as angry with me as you had been before due to my saving your life...but things were still complicated between us.

"We were spreading the cure. I turned to look at you...you gave me this smile...a smile that seemed to tell me that we were heading in the right direction, that maybe, just maybe you may forgive me for what I had done.

"We stayed in Saint Louis for three more days. The inauguration ball was scheduled for the twenty-fourth. We didn't get to see each other during the ball though. We were both pulled in a thousand different directions.

Rachel paused and closed her eyes. Flashes were coming back to her mind's eye. She opened her eyes and straightened up.

"Jeffrey pulled me aside. He informed me that my name had been placed in his list of pardons. He also told me that I would be leaving for Nebraska the next day to begin training others on how to spread the cure. He dismissed my security detail and informed me I was free to enjoy the ball without them, but advised me that I should probably head up to pack as my flight to Nebraska would be early the next day.

"I left the room, happy...ecstatic even. I began looking for you, but I couldn't find you. I decided to heed Jeffrey's advice. I went back to my room, but while packing I realized I needed to say...something to you..I wrote you a letter. Most of it was detailing where I was going, but I included...other stuff."

Rachel stopped speaking. She hadn't realized she had began pacing and wringing her hands while speaking and that tears had started sliding down her cheeks. She turned her back to Tom. She didn't know if she could do this, tell him the next part, being shot, dying, heaven.

Rachel turned back to face Tom, "I went to your room, I was going to leave the letter under your door, but you were there. I handed you the envelope. You complimented me on my dress. We...we...flirted. I told you I would see you when I see you. You told me to stay safe and to find you when I got back. It was a perfect moment. We were getting somewhere.

"I walked back to my room. There was a man standing outside my door. I cautiously approached him. He asked if I was the doctor who was spreading the cure and he claimed he hadn't received it. I told him with as many people in the building, he would be inoculated by now. He pulled out a gun and he shot me. I didn't scream. I slid down the wall. I couldn't move.

"Tom, I died in that hallway...in a bloody hallway. Alone. So needless to say, I'm not too thrilled to be going back to Saint Louis. Back to a place where I died...where I may die again."

Tom took two strides and was in front of her. He took her hands into his.

"I'm not letting you die Rachel" Tom said. "We know what is going to happen and we will stop it."

"What if I'm destined to die Tom?" Rachel whispered, "What if I'm destined to not be happy. After I died, I began imagining ways my life could have been different. I imagined...so much."

Tom pulled them over to her bed and sat them down, "I don't believe that. Everything happens for a reason.."

Rachel laughed, "You sound like Darien." she blurted out without thinking.

Tom gave her a quizzical look, "Darien?"

Rachel bit her lip for a second, "When I died, I went to heaven...Darien was the one to greet me. I was surprised to see her. I cried and I screamed...she held me. She became an...amazing friend. I can see why you fell in love with her. I miss her. I miss her friendship. I miss her guidance. She was the one who made me finally admit my feelings for you."

* * *

_Rachel and Darien were enjoying the day, walking around town. People greeted them with familiar "hello's". Children would run up and give them hugs, then run back off to play. When Rachel once questioned Darien on the ages of people in heaven, she explained that while children would remain the age they died at, adults could "turn back the clock" to any age they wanted from eighteen up. Darien said that most adults ended up "living" in their thirties, even if they died in their eighties or nineties. _

_Rachel had been in heaven for two years now. Each day it got easier and easier for her. But recently she had been in a slump. Darien had noticed and decided it was time to stop beating around the bush and find out what was wrong._

_Darien guided them over to a bench next to the park. They sat in comfortable silence for about five minutes before Darien spoke up._

"_Okay, out with it." _

_Rachel gave Darien a confused glance, "out with what?"_

"_What's bothering you. You haven't been in this depressed a state since you first got here. What's going on?"_

_Rachel sighed, "Today's my birthday, or what would have been my birthday."_

_Darien nodded, birthdays were hard for everyone up here. _

"_It's okay, Rachel. You can talk to me."_

_Rachel smiled, "prior to my death, hell prior to the virus, I was so preoccupied with my career. Then the virus struck and that became my life. Find a cure. Save the world. But then I get on the Nathan James and I my life is thrown in a completely different direction….The night of my death, I started imagining my life in a different way, a way I never pictured."_

"_How so?" Darien probed, hoping to get Rachel to admit what Darien already knew._

_Rachel took a deep breath, "I imagined a future with the man I had fallen in love with, possibly having children of my own. Things I didn't think about before."_

"_The first day we met" Darien began "you told me, in your anger, that shouldn't have walked away from Tom...that you should have stayed and told him what you needed to say. You need to say it Rachel because it's eating you up, the regret."_

_Rachel pursed her lips in an attempt to control her emotions. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths, but the silent tears began to slide down her cheeks. Darien reached over and took her hand._

"_You were in love with Tom." Darien said, "It's okay. I'm not mad at you or Tom."_

"_Tom wasn't in love with me." Rachel argued. _

_"Do you remember how I mentioned checking in on the living?" Darien asked to which Rachel nodded, "I didn't go into detail as you had just arrived, but we are given an opportunity to look in and check in on family members or even friends at random times throughout the year, it usually turns out to be about every thirty to forty-five days. It's different for each person when their day is, but you wake up knowing it's your day and on my days I'd check in on the kids and on Tom._

"_Tom was in love with you." Darien told Rachel. "At first, it hurt, that my husband had fallen in love with another woman so soon after my death. But I quickly realized that I couldn't begrudge him or even you happiness given the state of the world. If anyone deserved to be happy, it's Tom."_

"_I'm sorry" Rachel mumbled. Darien pulled her into a hug. _

"_You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong."_

"_I should have told him" Rachel sobbed into Darien's shoulder. "I should have told him I had feelings for him. I shouldn't have walked away. There are so many things I regret, not telling Tom I loved him, well that is one of my top regrets."_

* * *

"Tom I…" Rachel began before Tom held up his finger and placed it on her lips. He stood up and began pacing the room. Rachel waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts. After a few moments he stopped pacing and stood directly in front of her. Rachel stood, as she felt somewhat uncomfortable remaining on the bed.

"Rachel...when Tex informed me that he had died, well that hurt. Tex is a good friend. I'm tired of losing friends….but him saying he was greeted by you in heaven, knowing that you died. Knowing that I didn't keep you safe like I swore I would.

"Tom" Rachel whispered

"My heart clenched up, fear began to reside in my body. Fear that I would lose you. I had already lost Darien. I couldn't lose you as well." Tom admitted "I should have talked to you, but I was still so angry at you for killing Niels. When I placed Miller and O'Connor as a security detail and limiting your contact with the crew, it had nothing to do with Niels, but everything to do with keeping you safe. I didn't know how you died. I figured by assigning Miller and O'Connor to protect you, you would be safe. I just wanted to keep you safe."

"I know. That's all you've ever wanted." Rachel said.

Before she knew what was happening, Tom pulled her petite frame to his in an embrace.

"I love you Tom." Rachel suddenly said so softly Tom wasn't sure he heard her right. He smiled into her hair and pulled her body closer to his.

"I love you, too Rachel." Tom whispered, "I'm not losing you."

* * *

**Soundtrack**

I Found by Amber Run

Be Alright by Dean Lewis

You Say by Lauren Daigle

Shallow by Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson

Wake Up World (feat. Ruelle) by UNSECRET

Without You by Ashes Remain

Right Here by Ashes Remain

Falling Slowly (Once original motion picture soundtrack)

After Afterall by William Fitzsimmons

Cradle by The Rising

Impossible by James Arthur

Battlefield by Lea Michele

Everything by Boyce Avenue

I'd Come for You by Nickelback

One Goodbye by Jayson Belt

We Remain by Christina Aguilera

Already Gone by Disturbed

Ships in the Night by Young Love

Start a Riot by Banners

Castle by Halsey

Forever and Always by Parachute

Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

Start of Something Good by Daughtry

Mirrors by Madison Bailey

Everything I Need by Skylar Grey

In My Veins by Andrew Belle

Certain Things by James Arthur

Broke by Seether (feat. Amy Lee)

Hymn for the Missing by Red

Let Her Go by Passenger

Fortress by Bear's Den

Promises I Can't Keep by Mike Shinoda

Just Breath by Pearl Jam

Possibility by Lykke Li

Belong by Cary Brothers

Broken by Madison Bailey and Jake Coco

Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

Lift Me Up by Kate Voegele

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

Always Hate Me by James Blunt

Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

Hunger by Ross Copperman


	5. Chapter 5

**Without You chapter 5**

**Disclaimer:** Let me check...yup, I still own absolutely nothing in regards to The Last Ship. Sorry guys.

**Author's Notes:** I don't recall if Curtis had a last name. I'm sure it was mentioned in season 3. As I really don't want to go back and rewatch the episodes, I'm just giving him a last name. Please just go with it.

_Underneath the cold November sky_

_I'll wait, for you_

_As the pages of my life roll by_

_I'll wait, for you_

_I'm so desperate just to see your face_

_Meet me in this broken place_

_Hold me now_

_I need to feel you_

_Show me how_

_To make it new again_

_There's no one I can run to_

_And nothing I could ever do_

_I'm nowhere if I'm here_

_Without you_

-Without You by Ashes Remain

* * *

**February 18, 2015**

Tom waits, somewhat impatiently for the skype to connect to his father. Jed Chandler picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hey Tommy!" Jed said exuberantly to his eldest. "How are you doing?"

Tom shrugged, he attempted to put a smile on his face given everything that was going on. Jed noticed the forced smile.

"Okay, out with it."

"Everything's fine dad" Tom replied.

"Bullshit." Jed responded. "What did Rachel do this time?"

Tom was taken aback by his father's comment, "Why would you assume Rachel has anything to do with my current mood?"

Jed laughed, "First off, the last time we spoke.."

"Was five days ago" Tom interrupted.

"As I was saying" Jed started again "the last we spoke you were still extremely upset about something Rachel had done, yet you refused to discuss it with me. So out with it."

Tom sighed and rubbed his hands over his face and through his short cropped hair.

"It's complicated."

"Then start from the beginning." Jed replied.

Tom began explaining everything that had occurred in the last eight days. Rachel admitting to killing Niels, learning she and Tex had died and were given a second chance due to him choosing to live five years in the future. Assigning Rachel a security detail, taking out the sub, and his shrapnel injury.

Tom paused for a moment to let his father digest everything he had told him, before starting on the day's events.

"There's more isn't there?" Jed asked and Tom nodded.

"Jeffrey spoke to Rachel three days ago. She told him details, details he had yet to share with anyone. He noticed that Rachel became visibly upset when discussing the James making port in Saint Louis. I spoke to Rachel about it...dad that is where she dies. She gets shot. She dies in a hallway...alone...I don't protect her."

Tom watched as father leaned back in the chair and sighed. "I'm sorry Tom." Jed said to his son. "I'm sorry that you've had to deal with all of this the last few days. But now you know. You can stop it."

"That's the plan." Tom replied "If we had a...workable plan."

"Workable? Wasn't Rachel able to give you information on how she died?" Jed asked.

"All she could tell me is that she was shot the night of the Inauguration ball, which is on the twenty-fourth around midnight. She knows nothing else about the man. But she told me she will always remember his face, so she could pick him out." Tom paused before continuing. "She couldn't remember the name of the hotel or even where it was located. She said that it was about 10 minutes from port."

"Have you spoke to Tex?" Jed asked.

Tom shook his head, "It didn't occur to me. But I will. I'm sure he'll know more information as he lived through her death, the man's arrest and conviction."

"There you go. Talk to Tex. He will be able to give you answers. You've come up with solutions to far worse situations." Jed assured his son.

Tom leaned back in the chair thinking about what his father said.

"What else is on your mind Tom?"

"Mike and I were tossing around ideas, ways to catch Rachel's killer and keep her safe. He came up with an idea, but…"

"But what?"

"It's a lot to ask of you. Of Ashley and of Sam."

Jed gazed at Tom with a confused expression, "Why would you need us? What was Mike's idea?"

"Mike knows that I've already told you when we would be in Saint Louis and that you guys would be there." Tom paused for a moment. "His idea was to get an enlisted sailor to pretend to be Rachel at the Inauguration ball, since most people don't know what she looks like and have Rachel pretend to be Darien as only you, the kids and the crew of the Nathan James know that Darien died.

"Rachel pretending to be my wife means that she would always be with me, I could keep her safe. The enlisted sailor would be given a security detail as well to keep her safe. But I told Mike no."

"Why?" Jed asked astounded "It's a good plan!"

"I'm asking Rachel to pretend to be Darien. I'm then asking my children to pretend that Rachel is their mother...a mother that they just lost two months ago! I can't do that to my children. If it was just me, I can do it. I can't do it to my kids. I can't. We have three days until we make port in Saint Louis and then another three days to the Inauguration. We...I...will come up with another plan."

* * *

Unbeknownst to Tom and Jed, Ashley and Sam were standing back of the room at the edge of the door listening to the entire conversation. The two kids whispered to each other about what their father was telling their grandfather. With their dad's protests, they knew it was time for them to step forward.

"We'll do it." Ashley said firmly from the door.

"Yeah." Sam said.

Jed turned to see his grandchildren and gestured for them to come on over.

"Ash...Sam…" Tom said.

"Dad." Sam said "Grandpa is right. It's a good plan. Rachel saved us. She saved the world. If this is how we can repay her..." Sam trailed off.

"If this is how we can help make sure she doesn't get hurt and she doesn't die, by pretending that she is our mom, then we will do it." Ashley said. "We want to dad."

"Are you guys sure?" Tom asked "This is a lot to ask of you guys."

Ashley and Sam nodded, "We're sure dad. We want to help Rachel...and you." Ashley replied.

Tom asked the kids to please leave so he could discuss some details with their grandfather. Jed told Tom he would take care of getting their airline tickets changed and getting them into Saint Louis on the twenty-first instead of the twenty-third so the kids could spend some time getting to know Rachel and she them for the plan to work. When the call ended, Jed got up and headed out to the living room, where Sam and Ashley were now watching a movie.

Jed grabbed the control, paused the movie and sat down in front of his grandchildren.

"Ashley, Sam, I want to tell you guys how proud I am of you two."

"Thanks grandpa."

"It was nothing."

"It's not nothing Ashley." Jed said. "You guys are putting your personal feelings aside to help someone else.

Ashley smiled at her grandfather. "Like we told dad, Rachel saved our lives. I know if mom was still here, she would want us to do this, to help Rachel. Heck, mom probably would have insisted to dad that he do this."

Jed laughed, "I'm sure your mother would have. She probably would have been the one arguing with your father about doing it until he eventually gave in."

"When will we be going to Saint Louis?" Sam asked.

"I'm going to contact the airline and change our tickets. We will be leaving on the twenty-first instead of the twenty-third. We will arrive the same day the Nathan James makes port, this way you guys and Rachel can spend a bit more time together, getting to know each other.

The kids nodded.

"Come here kiddos" Jed said extending his arms. The two kids got up and went into his arms for a group hug.

"I love you two. I'm so proud of you. I know your mom would be too."

* * *

**February 24, 2015**

The Inauguration Ball was in full swing. Rachel stood next to Tom, her hand in his. When he approached her with his plan to catch her shooter, whom Tex informed them was Curtis Matthews, Rachel wasn't a fan. She began to argue with Tom about pretending to be his wife. Yes, they had admitted they loved it each but they were so busy with spreading the cure, making sure to stop McDowell's men in Memphis and coming up with a plan to keep her alive, that they really hadn't discussed their next steps.

Once Tom told her that the kids had insisted on participating, Rachel knew there was no point to arguing any further. Her main argument had been not wanting to put any undo stress or burden on his children...Darien's children, a friend she missed every day.

When Ashley, Sam and Jed arrived to the James on the twenty-first, Rachel couldn't contain her emotions at seeing Jed again. She began to cry and enveloped him in a hug that lasted over five minutes. Both Tom and Jed got the sense, from her reaction, that at some point in the future Jed had died and he and Rachel had become close while in heaven. While Rachel or Tex had yet to discuss Jed's death with Tom, they both agreed that they would be doing everything in their power to make sure he didn't die at the hands of Allison Shaw.

The three days prior to the inauguration, Rachel and the kids spent as much time together as possible (given that Rachel still had other demands placed upon her regarding the cure). Rachel told them all about growing up in England, her travels with her parents when they were missionaries, her mother's death (which allowed the threesome to bond quite quickly as Rachel understood better than anyone the grief they were feeling over losing their mother).

When the children asked about things they had overheard (Rachel knowing information about events that hadn't yet occurred), Rachel immediately approached Tom. The two of them sat the kids down and explained how she knew what she knew. The two adults could tell, at first, that the kids were having a hard time believing what they were being told.

* * *

"_I know this is really hard for you to believe." Rachel said calmly. "It is even hard for me to believe. But there is something I haven't told you."_

_Rachel looked over to Tom, who nodded._

"_After I died, I was greeted in heaven...by your mom." Rachel told the children. Ashley and Sam gasped at this news._

"_You're mom became a…" Rachel stopped talking to control her emotions "an amazing friend. She helped me when I was at my lowest. It has been very...discombobulating...coming back to a life where she and I technically didn't know each other because I miss her every single day._

"_One of the last conversations I had with your mom was about an hour before all this" Rachel said gesturing around the room, "happened and I was given a second chance. She and I were sitting in a field of flowers, daisy's as they were her favorite. _

"_Looking back, I think she somehow knew that something was happening. She told me that life is too short to wake up with regrets. To love the people who treat me right and forget about the ones who don't. To believe that everything happens for a reason and that if given a second chance, to take it. If that chance changes your life, to let it. She said it wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it."_

* * *

"And then he was there." Rachel said looking into Tom's eyes, "giving our children and I the cure...saving us, when we were so close to death."

The group of wives, standing with their officer husbands, swooned at Rachel's words. She inwardly rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of..." one of the women stated, "Where are your children?"

Rachel pointed to the refreshments table about twenty feet away, "they're over there with their grandfather. Would you like to meet them?"

The group nodded eagerly. Rachel smiled, "I'll go get them, if you'll excuse me for a moment." She squeezed Tom's hand in reassurance and moved away.

She made her way quickly over to Jed and the children.

"Darien" Jed said as Rachel approached.

"How did Darien do this?" Rachel whispered to Jed. "I'm ready to kill a majority of these military wives."

Jed laughed. "She was a pro."

"Is everything okay?" Ashley asked worriedly. Rachel smiled at the girl. "Everything's okay sweetheart. They would just like to meet you and your brother."

Rachel reached out her hands and each child took one. Jed smiled, following closely behind as Rachel led the children back to their father.

The group quieted as they approached, "everyone" Rachel said "these are our children, Ashley and Sam."

Ashley and Sam exchanged pleasantries with the adults.

"You two must be thrilled to have your father home?" one of the men asked.

"We are." Ashley answered.

"It's awesome to have dad home." Sam responded, "But we have mom and grandpa, lots of people lost their whole families, we're really lucky."

"I'm the lucky one." Rachel said "I have amazing kids."

* * *

As the conversation continued, Rachel kept casually glancing around the room. She was keeping a close eye on Ensign Lynch, who was being escorted around the room with O'Conner, Miller and Tex as her personal security. Rachel and Ensign Lynch had sat for hours discussing key details about the cure that people would ask. Ensign Lynch was a quick study and by the end of the first day had everything down pat. The remaining days, Rachel had filled her in on her life, in the event they asked about Rachel's schooling. Rachel was worried that someone may ask her questions she would be unable to answer. Tex assured Rachel that if he felt the question was to personal or too "scientific" that he would promptly change the subject and pull her away to "meet & greet" others who wanted to meet the "infamous Rachel Scott."

Tom, Rachel and the children continued to move through the ballroom exchanging pleasantries with people. Jeffrey had given Tom the guest list the day prior. Any names he recognized, especially people he knew and knew he (and Darien) he reached out to and explained (albeit briefly) the situation and asked for their discretion. Everyone immediately agreed to the charade, if it meant keeping Rachel safe.

Around eleven Rachel noticed the children were growing tired. She was about to interrupt and tell Tom that it was time for her and the children to head up to their room. She hated leaving Tex to find Curtis on his own, but her maternal instincts (which she assumed she never had) seemed to be kicking into high gear.

Rachel glanced over the general's shoulder that Tom was talking too when her breath caught.

Curtis.

He was standing approximately fifty feet away. He was on the outskirts, looking around.

Looking for her.

Rachel tried to control her breathing.

She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She continued watching the man who killed her. He began moving around the room. She never took her eyes off of him.

"Honey?" Tom said to her, "Are you okay?"

Rachel turned to look at Tom. She saw the the entire group was staring at her, worried expressions on their faces.

"What?"

"You started breathing a bit erratically and began squeezing my hand." Tom told her.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm just...getting a bit tired and I can see the children are too…" Rachel stopped talking and looked back into the crowd.

She couldn't find Curtis anymore!

"If you'll excuse me. I'm going to get my family settled I'll then come back and join you." Tom told the group he was speaking to. He began guiding Rachel away, Jed taking the children's hands.

When they were out of earshot of others, Rachel turned to the wall and began to hyperventilate, tears forming in her eyes and sliding down her cheeks.

"Mom...Rachel...are you okay." Sam asked worriedly.

"I…" Rachel tried to respond.

"Dad, can you take the kids up to the room. Rachel will be up shortly." Tom said.

Jed nodded, "come on kiddos."

Tom waited until the three of them were gone before pulling Rachel to him in an embrace.

"Rachel." Tom whispered, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I saw him. I saw him. I saw him." Rachel kept repeating.

Tom's blood ran cold. "Where?"

"In the ballroom. Looking around. For me. He killed me. He killed me."

Tom pulled away enough to place his hands on her face, "he is not going to hurt you. He is not going to kill you. He will not hurt anyone. I promise you. Do you believe me?"

Rachel took some deep breaths to steady her nerves and nodded her head.

"I'm going to have Danny take you up to the room and stay with you. Remember, we have a plan. We are going to catch him."

"I know." Rachel said, "I'm just…"

Tom pulled her back to him, "you're scared."

"Yeah." Rachel mumbled against his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

They pulled apart. Tom took her hand and they headed back to the ballroom. Tom caught Danny's eye and gave him a nod. Danny jumped up and said some quick words to Kara, Andrea, Mike, Burk and Wolf. Within seconds they were all up and making their way way to Tom. Danny got there first and guided Rachel away. As they left, the remaining members of the crew approached.

"Okay." Tom said to Andrea, Mike, Burk, Kara and Wolf, "Just like we planned."

* * *

Danny pulled out the keycard Tom gave him and guided it over the door, which gave a green light. He opened the door and gestured for Rachel to enter.

"Rachel!" Ashley and Sam yelled and ran over to her. They embraced her.

"Are you okay?" Both children asked.

Rachel guided the children over to the couch the the suite Tom was given.

"I'm fine now." Rachel assured the children. "I saw the man who hurt me. I became scared and I reacted. I'm sorry if I scared you guys."

"I told you guys, nothing to worry about." Jed said to the kids.

"Your grandfather's right." Rachel agreed, "but it is getting late, so why don't you two go get ready for bed."

The kids nodded. Ashley got up and made her way to the bedroom while Sam hung back.

"What's up Sammy?" Jed asked his grandson.

"Rachel, will you tuck us in?" Sam asked hesitantly.

Rachel smiled, "I'd be happy too. I'll be in shortly."

Sam gave her a huge smile, turned and headed into the bedroom.

Thirty minutes later, Rachel emerged from the bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her. She saw Jed sitting on the couch.

"Where's Danny?" She asked softly.

Jed pointed a finger to the door, "he's standing guard until Tom returns."

Rachel nodded, walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch.

The two sat in companionable silence for about five minutes before Jed broke it.

"When do I die?"

Rachel looked over, surprised at his question.

"What? I…."

"It was pretty obvious, the way you reacted, when you saw me the other day. You hugged me, in tears, for five minutes. The last time I had seen you was two months ago, right after Tom brought us aboard the Nathan James in Baltimore. We only spoke briefly to one another during our stay."

Rachel sighed. She began looking around the room, trying to avoid looking at him. She didn't want to start crying again. She felt movement on the couch. When she turned her head she saw that Jed had moved next to her.

"Whatever it is, it's okay Rachel, I can handle it." Jed told her.

"We're going to make sure it doesn't happen. Tex and I. We agreed. We won't let anything happen to you."

"What happens to me Rachel? I can tell it's eating you up." Jed says.

"It was September, September fourteenth. You and Tex arrive in heaven. Darien and I were there to greet you. You two tell us that a woman by the name of Allison Shaw was trying to dismantle the United States. Tom thwarted her attempts and she kidnapped Ashley and Sam. In doing so, she killed you. Tom reached out to Tex, who died during the confrontation with Allison. But I promise you Jed, Tex and I are going to make sure this doesn't happen. Tex knows all about what Allison was doing. He's going to tell Tom everything. We're going to stop it."

Jed reaches over and takes Rachel's hand. "Thank you for telling me."

"The four of us, we became like a family." Rachel whispered. "Seeing you again, it brought it all back, and…"

The tears that had been threatening to fall, began in earnest. Convulsions began wracking her body. Jed released her hand and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to his side.

"I miss her. I miss her so much. I don't know how to reconcile the fact that I miss someone that I technically don't know." Rachel said through her tears.

"You don't." Jed said matter-of-factly. "You don't try to make sense of the situation. You just acknowledge that you miss Darien. You live your life to honor her. That's what I encourage the kids to do."

"They're great kids." Rachel said, pulling away from Jed and wiping her face.

"They are." Jed replied, "You seem to have taken to them."

"I never knew if I wanted to be a mom. The choices I made. The career path I chose. It wasn't until I died, that I began regretting all my choices. Not allowing myself to fall in love, not admitting my feelings once I had them. Not having children. Right before I was given this second chance Tex told me not to live with regret. I've been trying very hard not too."

"So can one assume that you have told my son how you feel about him?"

Rachel cocked her head to the side and gave Jed a surprised look, to which he responded with a laugh.

"I may be old, but I'm not blind Rachel. You're in love with Tom." Jed stated, "The question remains, have you told my son? And if so, did he admit his feelings for you, or do I need to have a stern talking to with my eldest child."

* * *

Three hours later, Tom quietly opened the door to his room. He saw his dad sitting on the couch, with the TV playing softly and a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Dad, what are you still doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. Did you catch the guy?"

Tom nodded, "he fell for our trap. He is now in custody. President Michener ordered that Rachel continue having a security detail until it is determined all threats against her are neutralized."

"I'm sure Rachel will be thrilled with that news." Jed replied sarcastically.

"She won't like it, but she'll agree to it if it means keeping her safe." Tom responded, "Where is she?"

Jed pointed to the bedroom, "I convinced her to lay down about two hours ago. She wanted to wait up for you, but she was struggling to stay awake."

Tom went over to the bedroom door and quietly opened it, he looked into the room and a smile spread across his face. Jed noticed the smile.

"What?"

"Come see."

Jed got up and walked over to the door. He looked into the room and saw the Ashley and Sam were no longer in their bed. They had moved over to the queen bed Rachel was sleeping in. Each was curled around her, Ashley on her left, Sam on her right. Rachel had her arms around each child protectively. All were fast asleep.

The two men backed away and Tom closed the door. They went back over to the couch and sat down.

"Looks like they took Darien's words to heart."

Tom gave his dad a quizzical look to which Jed said, "as Darien was dying, she pulled the kids to her. She told them that she loved them, that she loved you. She also made them promise that when you met someone and fell in love again that they needed to give this woman, whomever she may be, a chance. That they were amazing children and they deserved to be loved by someone who would treat them as her own."

When Tom didn't respond, Jed continued. "Tommy, it's okay that you fell in love with Rachel. Darien wanted you to meet someone and fall in love again.

Tom sighed, "I feel like I'm betraying Darien."

Jed leaned back into the couch and thought for a moment, "What did you tell Darien every time you were deployed?"

"I told her that I loved her and the kids."

"And?"

"And, if anything were to happen to me, I wanted her to move on. I wanted her to find love again, to find someone who would love her like I loved her and love our children as his own."

"And that is all Darien wanted for you too, in her final moments." Jed replied, pausing for a moment before continuing to speak.

"The way Rachel talks about her friendship with Darien and how much she misses her, I get the sense that Darien and Rachel became extremely close, because of that and how we both know Darien had a huge heart, she would be thrilled for you and Rachel. I'm sure she wishes it were her, but she wouldn't begrudge either of you two happiness." Jed finished.

Tom gave his dad a smile, "thanks dad."

Jed smiled, "So the question my boy is, what are you going to do about it?"

* * *

**Soundtrack**

Put Your Arms Around Me by Texas

Lift me Up by Kate Voegele

Be Alright by Dean Lewis

Fortress by Bear's Den

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

I Found by Amber Run

Saved by Spilled Canvas

Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore by Mike Shinoda

When Darkness Comes by Cobie Caillat

A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope

Promises I Can't Keep by Mike Shinoda

Requiem on Water by Imperial Mammoth

Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles

Faded by Sara Farell

Revolution by UNSECRET

Underwater by Vertical Horizon

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Glee cast album (season 1)

I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young

I'd Come for You by Nickelback

Falling Slowly by Marketa Irglova & Glen Hansard

The Reason by Hoobastank

Impossible by James Arthur

Battlefield by Lea Michele

Already Gone by Disturbed

Broken by Madilyn Bailey and Jake Coco

The Mess I Made by Parachute

Recovery by James Arthur

Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

Start a Riot by Banners

Broken by Seether (feat. Amy Lee)

Find Me by Birdy

Ashes by Celine Dion

Why am I Falling by Ramin Karimaloo

Hands to Heaven to Breathe


	6. Chapter 6

**Without You chapter 6**

**Disclaimer:** let me check….yup don't own anything in regards to The Last Ship, sorry guys.

**Author's Notes: **Thank you for all my readers. This is the final chapter. I apologize it took a bit longer for me to post this. I had the entire story written but as I kept going back and rereading I wasn't happy with the ending and decided to change it. I hope you guys enjoy.

Fair warning- happy tears may ensue...

* * *

_Even if You take it all away_

_I'll wait for You_

_Even when the light begins to fade_

_I'll wait for You_

_I'm so desperate calling out Your name_

_Meet me in this broken place_

_Hold me now_

_I need to feel You_

_Show me how_

_To make it new again_

_There's no one I can run to_

_And nothing I could ever do_

_I'm nowhere if I'm here_

**-Without You by Ashes Remain**

* * *

Early the next morning Rachel awoke. She felt two bodies pressed against her. She looked down to see Ashley and Sam lying in the bed with her. She smiled and gently squeezed them. Wondering where Tom was, she glanced over to the second bed, where he was fast asleep. Before she could talk herself out of it, she gently extracted her body from the children and slid down to the edge of the bed. She crossed over to where Tom was sleeping and crawled in. She laid down, molding her body into his tall frame. Tom immediately responded by putting his arms around her and pulling her close. Rachel closed her eyes and sighed. She placed her hands over his.

"I love you." Rachel said quietly.

"I love you too." Tom replied.

The pair laid together in comfortable silence for a few moments when Rachel turned her body so she was facing Tom.

"Did you catch him?"

Tom opened his eyes and looked down at Rachel's worried face, his heart breaking. He took her hands and nodded.

"We got him. You're safe."

Tears began to form in Rachel's eyes, "thank you, for believing me...for saving me."

"I'm just sorry I couldn't save you the first time."

"It's in the past...well my past. We now have a future."

Tom smiled, "speaking of the future...Rachel, will you marry me."

The tears in Rachel's eyes began to fall as she nodded her head and began whispering yes repeatedly.

"Rachel" a voice said from the other bed "are you okay, you're crying."

Rachel and Tom sat up and turned to see a concerned Ashley and Sam looking at them.

Tom looked to Rachel who nodded, "Rachel's fine. I asked Rachel to marry me and she said yes."

"So these are happy tears." Rachel finished.

Ashley and Sam looked to one another and groaned.

"Ash..Sam.." Tom said.

"No! Dad!" Ashley began.

"We are totally okay with this." Sam finished.

"It's just that we now owe grandpa five bucks each." Ashley said.

"Why do you each of you owe your grandfather five dollars?"

"Well...see...we of kind of bet grandpa that you wouldn't ask Rachel to marry you until March and grandpa bet us that it would be by the end of this month." Ashley told them.

"So we lost and now owe grandpa money."

"I take it I'm ten dollars richer." Jed said from doorway.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Tom and Rachel decided they didn't want to wait and they were married on the deck of the Nathan James a week later with all the crew, President Michener, Jed and the children present. Jeter was honored to marry them.

Tex and Rachel sat down with Tom, Mike, Jed and Jeffrey a few days after the Inauguration Ball. Tex told the group everything he lived through in the past timeline. He explained how Kara had reached out to him, what Kara had discovered regarding Allison, Peng and the regional leaders, and how Jed (and himself) died. After much debate and discussion, they decided that their best course of action was to catch everyone in the act.

When Mike questioned who they could get to work with Peng, Tex and Rachel immediately shared a look. Tex nodded and Rachel suggested Sasha. Tom didn't question how Rachel knew who Sasha was, he figured at some point in the previous future Sasha had reentered his life.

It took time to locate Sasha and get her to Saint Louis. Rachel was extremely nervous the day she arrived. This was the woman who had been in love with her husband, albeit in a different timeline.

Sasha could tell that Rachel was a bit uncomfortable around her, not really understanding why, she pulled Rachel aside and told her that while at one point she loved Tom, she wasn't "in love" with him anymore. He would always carry a special place in her heart, but nothing more.

Rachel didn't know what possessed her to pull Sasha into a hug and start confessing everything that had happened in the last month (well the last 5 years for Rachel), but she did. Sasha sat patiently and listened, taking Rachel's hands in hers when tears began falling down her face. When Rachel confessed that she felt a smidge of guilt that she had taken Tom from Sasha, Sasha laughed and reminded her that that future wasn't going to happen and she was okay with it.

In the end, Sasha became the friend Darien had become in heaven.

Tex, for his part, while glad to be alive wasn't taking anything for granted anymore. He reconnected with Kathleen, who moved to Saint Louis. The one thing that he seemed to lost his spark in was his reckless abandon when it came to women. Rachel got the sense that it was because he was scared, scared that something would happen to him again. Due to her friendship with Sasha, she slowly saw the two light up around each other.

Just as Tex was scared, Sasha was scared. She admitted to Rachel that she was still coming to terms with the loss of her husband due to the red flu and was afraid to open her heart again. She felt she had been hurt to many times.

In the end it was Rachel playing matchmaker, much to Tom's amusement. She arranged to meet both of them at the same coffee bar they all frequented, then, after she knew both of them would be there waiting for her, she texted and claimed something had come up and she wouldn't be able to make it. She knew it was decietful, but she wanted them to be happy and she knew they could be happy together.

She got an earful from both of them the next day on her tactic, but in the end she got both to admit that they enjoyed themselves and that they would be going on another date.

They were married eight months later.

Tex and Rachel weren't taking any chances with anything this time around. From their "one days" and Darien and Jed's one day's they knew about the red rust and the troubles Gustavo would cause. In the end, their tiny bit of knowledge that they shared with those in power, things turned out differently.

While the red rust did occur, this time the world was prepared for it. They banded together to find a cure and the seeds, instead of fighting with each other. Knowing that Gustavo would use the red rust as another reason to hate the United States, they in turn made sure to distribute a tremendous amount of aid to South America. Tom made Gustavo a friend and not a foe.

Rachel and Tom's life was a stressful, yet happy one. They settled in Saint Louis for a period of time while Tom was CNO, but eventually relocated back to Washington D.C. when Tom was offered a position to teacher at the reestablished National War College. They continued to raise Ashley and Sam as a team and where shocked, yet thrilled, when they learned Rachel was pregnant. Rachel gave birth to their first child, Darien Elizabeth Chandler, two years after they married. Their second child, Michael William Chandler (named after Tom's deceased younger brother), was born a year later.

Every day Rachel counted her blessings. She found herself grateful. Grateful for all the darkness, the heartbreak and the betrayal because it allowed her to recognize true love when she found it. And she knew without a doubt, that all the broken, shattered, forgotten pieces of her soul were worth putting back together again, because she became her beloved and found new light and love along the way.

**January 25, 2052**

Darien burst through the door to Jed's house.

"It's today!"

Jed looked up from his book.

"Are you sure?"

Darien nodded her head excitedly, "I just found out. I'm going to head to the field."

"It could take hours."

"I don't care. I need to be there."

Jed nodded, closed his book and got up. "I'll wait with you."

Darien smiled as the two headed out of the house. They walked quietly through town to the field. They weren't surprised to find three other people waiting in the field. They both eagerly hugged their companions before sitting down.

They tried to keep a conversation going, but it was impossible. A part of them felt sad that the person they were waiting for had died, but the other part of them was excited to see this person again.

The group had been sitting in the field for about three hours when there was a flash of light. They each stood, waiting.

They watched as the person made their way towards them. Eventually this person noticed the group and began running towards them.

"Rachel!"

"Tom!"

Tom broke into a run and met Rachel in a hug.

They remained in a hug for a few more minutes, when Rachel glanced behind him and smiled. She pulled away from Tom.

"Darien, Jed. Sasha. Tex. I missed you guys so much."

The foursome embraced Rachel in a group hug. The two men pulled apart, leaving the women still hugging.

Darien and Sasha had tears streaming down their faces.

"I missed you guys so much" Rachel whispered. "Every day."

"We missed you too." Darien replied.

"But you're here now, We knew we would see you again." Sasha said.

The women pulled apart and smiled at Tom, Jed and Tex.

"Shall we." Tom said pointing back towards the town.

"We shall." Rachel replied.

The group took each others hands and began walking back to town, their family finally complete.


End file.
